


The Gift That Keeps on Giving

by iamjasonssmirkingrevenge (mizzykitty)



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Awkwardness, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Multi, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, robinpile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizzykitty/pseuds/iamjasonssmirkingrevenge
Summary: Someone in the robinpile hasn't been practicing safe sex...but who??
Relationships: Tim Drake/Dick Grayson/Jason Todd/Damian Wayne
Comments: 9
Kudos: 129





	The Gift That Keeps on Giving

**Author's Note:**

> A really old random tumblr fic that I just remembered. I don't know if tumblr deleted it or what but I can't find it online anymore so I thought I would just post it here. It is truly cheesy haha!

"Uh, thanks for coming, guys," Tim said. "I really appreciate-"

"Just tell us why we're here," Jason snapped. He got up to pace around the clinic waiting room.

Tim cleared his throat. "Right. Well, as some of you know, I was here for a checkup yesterday, and-"

"Are you dying?" Damian interrupted, a suspicious glint in his eye.

"Oh my god, Damian, don't say that!" Dick said. "But I mean...are you...?"

Tim resisted the urge to facepalm. "I'm not dying. I have chlamydia."

A deafening silence descended over the four men. 

"Oh, gross!" Damian exploded, as Jason simultaneously shouted "You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

"Whoa, everyone, just calm down," Dick said. "I'm sure we're just here as a precaution. I mean, we'd totally know if we had it, right?"

"Not necessarily," Tim said. "Chlamydia generally doesn't have any symptoms in males."

"That's why you're all here," Dr Thompkins said as she came into the room. "We're going to get you tested, and treated if necessary. I'm also going to need a list of all your sexual partners, so that we can get them in for testing and treatment too."

Dick paled. "All of them? For how far back?"

"I would say in the last year, to be on the safe side," Leslie said.

Dick gulped. "That's...ok."

Damian eyed him suspiciously. "Wait a minute, did you give us this disease? Because as much of a freak as Drake is, his only partner outside us is Conner, and who knows if that superbitch can even get human diseases!"

"Conner's fine, thanks for your concern," Tim snapped.

"Me? What about you? Or Jason?" Dick said, gesturing at Jason with a wave.

"Wasn't me," Jason said curtly.

"How do we know-"

"All right, why don't we all just calm down," Leslie interjected. "Damian, why don't you come with me. The rest of you, start on your lists. Here's some paper and pencils."

Once she had led Damian, still snarling under his breath, away, Jason took Damian's seat on the couch next to Dick, and the two of them began writing on the coffee table.

After about thirty seconds, Jason put his pencil down and crossed his arms. 

"What's wrong? You can't remember?" Dick asked.

"Or don't know their names?" Tim added with a hint of disdain.

Jason narrowed his eyes at them. After a moment, he snorted and shoved the paper at Tim.

Tim picked it up and frowned.

"What?" Dick asked.

"Dick, Tim, and Damian," Tim read out. He cocked his head at Jason. "Really?"

"Aww, Jay-"

"Don't!" Jason warned, holding his hand up to ward off Dick's advances. "And don't fucking touch me, either."

Dick sighed. "I'm sorry. You too, Timmy. I didn't mean...I thought was being careful. I guess I wasn't careful enough."

Tim leaned over and gave Dick's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It all right, Dick. It happens to the best of us."

Dick read over his list and sighed. "Who do you think it was?"

Tim took his list from him and read it off. "Babs, Kory, Jenny Larson, Roy, Donna, Tom??, Wally, Tim, Conner, Raya, Jason and Damian. "Oh. Guess it could've been...a few of them." He shot Dick a sympathetic look. 

"Christ," Jason muttered.

"All done," Leslie said, herding a very grumpy looking Damian back into the room. "Who's next?"

"I'll go," Dick said. He stood up and gave Damian a pat on the shoulder as he passed him. "Sorry, little D."

Damian only grunted in response. 

When Dick had gone into the exam room, Tim asked, "Where's your list, D?"

"Fuck off," Damian snapped as he stalked out of the clinic, giving them the finger for good measure.

Tim sighed. He shifted over to Dick's recently vacated spot and tentatively rested his head on Jason's shoulder. When he didn't immediately get shoved onto the floor, he relaxed a little. "Do you regret...you know, this?"

Jason looked up at the ceiling and exhaled softly. "No," he said at last.

Tim smiled into his shoulder. "Yeah, me either."

***

Two months later, they were all cuddling post-sex on Damian's big bed in the Wayne Tower loft when Tim suddenly asked, "Hey, did you ever figure out who it was that gave us chlamydia, Dick?"

"Hmm, no," Dick said lazily. "Everyone was clean except Babs, and she says I gave it to her. She was pretty livid."

"You managed to track down that guy from the bar?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, well I still had his phone number. We even went out a couple times after."

"So if it wasn't you, and it wasn't me, and it wasn't Jason, then..."

All eyes turned to Damian.

"Seriously? After all those accusations?" Jason said.

Damian glared at them. "He's captain of the debate team! How was I supposed to know he'd be riddled with disease?"

Tim and Jason emitted identical groans.

Dick covered his face with his hand. "Oh, Dami. Do we need to have that safe sex talk again?"

"Not if you want to live," Damian snapped. "Just...I apologise all right? It was a momentary lapse in judgement. It won't happen again."

Dick sighed. "It's all right, we forgive you," he said, giving Damian's hair an affectionate ruffle.

After a moment, however, Tim said, "I say we punish him."

"Seconded," Jason said immediately.

"Thirded," Dick said with a growing grin.

"Wait a minute-"

"All in favour say aye!"

"Aye!" they chorused.

"NAY!" Damian shouted.

"Motion carries," Tim said. He grabbed Damian's arms as Dick grabbed his legs. "Damian Wayne, for giving us a really disgusting disease and causing us and all of our friends a lot of grief, I sentence you to twenty spanks!"

"Let the punishment fit the crime!" Jason pronounced as he commenced spanking.


End file.
